am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
