Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.

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(513): View more from Ohio

We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever

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(651): View more from Minnesota

asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.

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(620): View more from Kansas

Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.

(309): View more from Illinois

Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!

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(614): View more from Ohio

Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.

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