I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You ruined the universe
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
