I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
