i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
