i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
