i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
