oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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