So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
