dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
