my mouth tastes like poor choices
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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