You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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