I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
