somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
