idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
