I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Let's get the cat blown out
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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