i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
