I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
