just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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