i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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