well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
