she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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