real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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