today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
