I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
