DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
