Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
