Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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