I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
