I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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