Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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