She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
