Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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