You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
