How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
