I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This is my life. Enjoy the view
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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