I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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