We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
