i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
