well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
