Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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