Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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