We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How's work?
Spinning.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize