OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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