was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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