my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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