I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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