I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
