How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
