I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
