I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
