Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
