The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
