I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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