Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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