Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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