can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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