the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
