apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
