haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize