Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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