And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
