i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i think i just lost a toe
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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