I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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