Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
