apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
