ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
