he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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