hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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